Alarm Clock Blues: Going Back to Work

Staying on top of my new wellness habits are a bit harder to manage now that I’m back from Thanksgiving break. To the surprise of no one, it was far easier to build in time to meditate and practice wellness techniques when my schedule was wide open and not impacted by work.

This morning when my first alarm went off at 5:40 AM, I was not in a place to remember that I was on a wellness quest and was moderately distraught. Fortunately though, I didn’t have to get up until 7:00 AM. Slowly, and with lots of groaning, I turned on the low dimmer setting of my Himalayan Salt lamp to introduce a soft glow to help ease me into a state of awakeness.

I had put May Cause Miracles book on my bed last night, so when I rolled onto to it on my way to turn on the lamp, I was given the physical reminder that I needed to follow through with my morning meditation practice.

On a typical morning, I jump out of bed, rush to the mirror, brush my teeth, spackle on makeup, and “tame” my hair. The hair often takes awhile and therefore I usually end up rushing to figure out what to wear. I then run down stairs, grab the lunch I prepared (I often forget to prepare it), and run out my door to catch the metro.

Last night though, I picked out my outfit, actually dried my hair so that it wouldn’t look like a rat’s nest in the morning, and had lunch fully prepared and ready to go. I set the intention for my day before the day came and tried to help my future self out. This allowed me to go at a slower, more intentional pace and gave me the time to have a quick meditation. I also was able to read today’s May Cause Miracles lesson.

I know that I need to remember to stay true to this path even when my head is foggy with sleep. My health and future depend on my being consistent and conscientious. So even when I want to chuck my phone across the room when the alarm goes off, I will do my very best, to be gentle and kind with myself and provide the space for I need to start the day with positivity rather than hostility.

Trying my Best

Today I tried my best to witness any fears and anxieties without judgement and to be willing to see things through love rather than irritation.

It hasn’t been easy.

It wasn’t easy when someone cut me off as I tried to exit the train, it wasn’t easy when I found the communal work dishwasher hadn’t been turned on last week, and it wasn’t easy when I listed out all the tasks I need to accomplish to get through the next three days.

My inner crank wanted to jump out and announce my suffering, but I kept chanting in my head, “Love did not create this.” And while I witnessed my irritations, I also tried to step back and see the bigger picture. And the bigger picture is this: all of these glitches, snags, and irritants are temporary. I told my boss about two weeks ago that I’ll be resigning at the end of the year and, so really, all the things about this office atmosphere that usually suffocate me don’t have to, because it’s all almost over.

A Gentler Perspective

Now, I realize that for most people resigning is not a reasonable option. But I do believe these subtle steps I’m taking – both on my own through my new meditation practice and the lessons from May Cause Miracles – are making an important shift in my mental health. All I’m doing is visualizing a specific positive outcome and that is something anyone can do no matter what your circumstances are.

The other fact is, there were times when I deeply loved my job. I remember in the first few weeks I would practically skip out of the office, feeling full of light and happiness in the knowledge that I was doing work I was proud of. I’ve built amazing friendships with my colleagues, opened my eyes on issues I was ignorant of, and have expanded my capacity for empathy and understanding of people and the unique lives we all live.

There are going to be times in my life where I am not going to have an exit, where I will have to stick something out. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I will need to be able to reflect on what is good so that I can preserve that job, relationship, etc. Letting light in and keeping my sight on the things that love creates is what is going to keep me on track.

A Gift

While I tried to maintain the momentum of positive thinking today, I was quite exhausted when I left the office. I did my best to quell the ornery inner complaints about fatigue and aches, but I certainly wasn’t floating on cloud nine when I got home.

My efforts to quiet my snark was met with a lovely gift sitting in my entryway. Despite not expecting it to arrive so soon, my The Universe Has Your Back card deck by Gabby Bernstein and artist Micaela Ezra arrived today.

While I do not know Gabby personally, it kind of felt like she was sending me some personal love and kindness on a challenging day.

I ran up to my room, saged the deck, and asked what guidance I need before I end my day. The card I pulled was, “There is nothing sexier than my authentic truth.”

It is a lovely reminder that even on these days when it’s a little rainy, a little cold, a little uncomfortable, sticking to who I am and aiming to be my best self, is what I need be doing. I needed a little extra support today and having these words conclude my day has been the gentle validation I needed.

So when you’re having a not so sunshiny day – which we’re all going to have – remember that the glitches and snags do not come from love and steer yourself towards the things that do. You don’t have to overcorrect or put yourself down for not being zen and peppy 24/7. Do be open to the kind reminders the Universe has for us. Some of them are going to be really obvious, like a card deck from your favorite Spirit Junkie, and other days it’s going to be more subtle. But gifts are gifts, no matter their physical size.

It’s the impact that makes a difference.

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