This New Years I am setting my intentions towards clean and healthy beginnings.
For the past two months, I have been building a wellness foundation to help me heal from a health crash back in October. It is going to take a lot of work, but work that I am really excited to jump into. However, rather than list out all of the lofty ambitions I want a shiny trophy for at the top of 2020, I am going to dedicate the last 24 hours of 2018 to a clean start.
I am pulling out my boxes and filling them up with all of the items that no longer serve me and will not serve the version of me I hope to be growing into. I started picking up a few items here and there, and now I’m grabbing armfuls of books, clothes, knick-knacks, and mugs (there are so many mugs).
Admittedly, I was a little disgruntled to see this growing pile of items I’ve paid gobs for and yet have either never or rarely used. Why have I been holding onto so much stuff? Two reason:
For example: I have a number of beautiful pencil skirts that were given to me by my aunts when I first graduated college. They’re pretty, classy, and would have been lovely for meetings on the Hill. For these past 5 years, they’ve been a shiny reminder of the career I thought I was supposed to have and a body that I thought should have been able to fit into them. Unfortunately, they ended up feeding the disappointment I felt around my career and the on-going shame that my petite frame (5ft and size OO) did not look flattering inside those pin straight lines.
As I was grabbing clothes to put in my donation boxes, I kept thinking about those skirts and how much I really didn’t want to let them go. Yet, there is an absolute discomfort I feel when I see them, and much of that discomfort comes from the fact that I know that I will never wear them.
You may be thinking that this seems minute, trivial, and perhaps a bit inconsequential. You would be correct. But that’s part of the problem.
I’ve built goals and pieces of identity around objects and items of clothing that in no way, shape or form, serve me or my life. They take up space and could be in the closet of someone who will actually wear them to the type of job they’re suited for (vs the crunchy, wellness, wearing braids, and om chanting career I’m leaning towards).
It’s time to clean up and clear out.
Part of this process is allowing myself to witness the moments of discomfort without judgement and to begin the process of letting go of the feelings I have and their (kind of dumb) magnetism to the junk I’ve filled my apartment with.
When the clock strikes midnight and 2019 begins, I will have left behind the items, the feelings, the experiences that have been weighing me down, taking up space, and overstaying their welcome.
It’s a pretty cathartic experience and Freddie Mercury belting out “We Will Rock You” in the background has been the spice and kick I need to get this done. Just as a general note, I highly recommend all chore-like activities to be done to the songs of Queen – makes it 100% more fun.
What are you doing to prepare for the new year? I’d love to hear about what’s getting you jazzed about 2019.
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