Miracles Happen

It has been forty-three days since I began Spirit Junkie, Gabby Bernstein’s, May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness. I can honestly, truly say that this book, Gabby’s guidance, and my newly budding faith in the Universe, has got quite a kick.

Yesterday was in fact the last day and lesson of my May Cause Miracles experience, and my goodness what a journey it has been.

When I first began May Cause Miracles, I was optimistic and hopeful that this book could help me shift my perception from one of panic to one of certainty. And quite frankly, that’s not exactly what has happened.

I thought that I would know where I should be working, where I should be living, and have all my life (or at least the next year) clearly drawn in front of me. That’s the certainty I was hoping for. What I got, however, was substantially more profound and will give me lifelong guidance rather than a short term fix for temporary anxiety.

Today as I sat upon my meditation pillow and let the quiet settle in, I was met with warm comfort and absolute trust in my past, present, and future. Forty-three days ago, the anxiety of the unknown would have walloped me in a crashing wave, let me tumble around, and drag me back in with the undertow.

Here are the big ticket items that were gnawing at my stomach:

  • Health: I was in a reluctant spiral of worrying that my health issues were something bigger than I knew. I was angry and resentful that my body was taking away my opportunities to have a happy life. I was terrified that my body was shutting down in a way that would not recover.
  • Career: After my health crash and decision to resign from my (great) job, I worried that I was throwing a good thing away and that I was being ungrateful. I thought: how can I ever expect another good job, when I’ve walked away from this one? Am I even worthy of a good job?
  • Location: My lease is ending at the end of February due to renovations and I was annoyed, although slightly amused, that in addition to dealing with my health challenges and leaving my job, I now also need to find a new home. I felt stuck and fearful. Should I return to my home state of Connecticut? Should I stay in Virginia? Will I ever feel at home?
  • Finances: No job = no income. I have things I need to pay for, including: doctor’s appointments, the fancy, expensive, plant based supplements they prescribe, super healthy, organic food, rent, and my upcoming move.

I can honestly stand here today and tell you that those fears, anxieties, and unhealthy ruminating thoughts have ceased. And it isn’t that I no longer prioritize those situations or have decided not to take action towards finding solutions for them. What I do have, is complete and thorough faith that everything will come together. After all, I have experienced first hand, in these 42 days, just how powerful a miracle mindset is.

I’ve had money come in through unexpected places, my health insurance is going to be covered for several more months (this one really knocked me over), the tap of my anxiety has been shut off, and my perspective of my health has shifted from one of resentment to one of gratitude. In so many amazing, and sometimes tangible ways, the Universe and the people I love have stepped up for me.

Forty-three days ago I believed that faith was blind. I thought I understood it to be this leap into a dark abyss and perceived it as potentially irresponsible. I see now that I was wrong. Faith is not blind, faith is wide open.

I am open to whatever is coming my way, I am open to trust, I am open to faith in the Universe. Even if those things are substantially challenging, I have everything I need to get through with light, love, and gratitude.

Even as I type this, a part of me expects to cringe internally at the hoakiness, but I fully believe it. I have gone from being terrified of the unknown to embracing it with happiness and excitement.

Yesterday I was feeling into my gratitude for the journey May Cause Miracles has taken me on. I was reflecting on the fact that that I’ve had this book on my shelf for at least 5 (but possibly more) years. My step-mom had been at some sort of convention where Gabby Bernstein had spoken and had felt that I would enjoy her book. She was right, I just wasn’t ready at that time. I needed a push (aka ending up in the ER) to finally reach out for the help I needed – that was waiting for me.

I am so grateful and feel all bright and shiny with love, happiness, and excitement for this life I’m living.

At 10pm last night, despite not expecting anything, I felt like I needed to go check the mail. When I opened it, I found a box from my dad and step-mom. I figured I had left something at their house at Christmas, but when I opened I almost burst into tears of laughter and deep love.

It was a copy of Gabby Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie. A signed copy.

A pretty magical way to conclude the last day of May Cause Miracles.

So what’s next on my quest for wellness?

For one thing, a continued dedication to my new meditation practice. I want meditation to be a pillar of my day and want to ensure that I stay dedicated to consistent practice. I’m setting up reminders in my phone so that I don’t let myself off the hook.

The next big item to tackle is my physical health. And yes, when I say that, I do hear Olivia Newton John singing “Let’s get physical” in my head.

While I’m still experiencing the symptoms from the genetic disorder (homozygous MTHFR C677T), I want to strengthen my body, fuel it with love and nutrition, and give it the care it needs so that I can live my best life. Since I’m still very much in learning mode, I’m turning to experts who I trust will lead me well.

For me, those experts are Karena Dawn and Katrina Scott, the founders of Tone It Up. They are the positive, fun, and inspiring leaders I need to kick my body into shape and coach me on nutrition. On these subjects I am pretty ignorant and have never managed to consistently exercise or eat well. Their book Balanced and Beautiful is my go-to for advice on how to incorporate love, intention, and balance into my physical self-care practice.

I’ve reactivated my membership, downloaded their app, and am ready to get started.

I will do this incrementally, without judgement, appreciation for the body I’ve been given, and my new understanding the miracles happen and manifest through love.

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